A Different Memory
by LiulfrKeahi
Summary: Sometimes some things happen differently. If Nozomi were too late... A spinoff of "Memories, Old and New" [NOZOERI]


A/N: Spinoff of "Memories, Old and New." What would've happened if Nozomi was too late?

* * *

Decisiveness was never really her strongest point, though she was good at acting like it. But of course, an act can only go so far. At least that's what Nozomi blamed as the accident's cause. If only she had thought for a moment less… If only she had acted a second sooner… If only she… If only she were lying in that bed instead.

But truth was, she wasn't. She wasn't stuck lifelessly to the machines. She wasn't covered in bandages and stitches. She wasn't… she wasn't the hero.

She was a failure.

She failed at saving Eri.

She silently wept as the sound of the machines echoed in the hospital room.

* * *

"It's my fault."

It was her mantra. Ironically, her guilt was the only thing that kept Nozomi sane. She let the other girls say it was merely a bad accident. She let them believe she agreed. She let them think she was still next to the bed out of friendship. But she knew better. She knew. A hint of bad luck from her card readings was enough to keep her on edge. But the joy of their victory, the temptation for happiness... distracted her. And by the time she noticed… everything meant nothing.

Nozomi shuddered. The memory was still vivid in her eyes. The lights blinded her. The smoke irritated her. The blood… Nozomi wasn't entirely sure what had happened after. All she recalled was herself calling Eri's name, holding onto the said girl's body… crying. How they had left the stadium… How they had came to the emergency room… How they had waited was all a blur. She only knew what Nico and the girls had told her.

"You looked like you just died."

To be honest, Nozomi was sure she had inside.

* * *

A visit to the hospital was a daily occurrence for Nozomi now. Rather, she lived at the hospital more or less. That was one good thing about living alone. She didn't have a curfew or parents worried about her coming home late, per se. Sometimes the nurses at the hospital got too familiar with Nozomi's liking. They would whisper behind her back; and though she didn't have much care to overhear, she knew what they talked about. Other times, they would directly speak to her and tell her to go home since she's been here too long. And every single time, she would answer politely, but sharply, that she lived alone. Her parents travelled for work and they haven't really tried to contact her since they separated ways. She had no home with anyone waiting for her. The only person who cared for her in such a way was in the very hospital bed she sat next to.

The nurses didn't bother shooing her away since.

* * *

Today was another long day at school. The girls no longer had practice as the Love Live! Competition had ended. But their reputation as μ's had no end. That meant Eri's fanmail came through her. That meant Eri's fangirls approached her. Nozomi sat down at her normal spot and looked at her friend. Maybe this was fate's cruel way of punishment. Maybe this was fate's way of reminding her she was and always would be a loner. Eri had everyone – family, friends, unknown supporters. She had no one. She didn't need anyone, but Eri. But… maybe even Eri was too much to ask for. She reached out and caressed the slightly cold hand. She forced a smile.

"Hey, Erichi…"

She slightly tightened her hold.

"If you would just wake up right now… You could finally out-tease me."

She let out a defeated laugh.

"Even if, that makes it look like all the worry I've done a joke… even so…"

She finally turned to look at the sleeping beauty.

"I just really need you to wake up right now."

Tears once more stained her face and the blankets.

* * *

"Still no sign of her waking up?"

"No… At this rate, she'll be late to her own graduation."

Nozomi attempted to lighten the mood. To which Nico only gave her usual unimpressed look. The pigtailed girl muttered something underneath her breath that Nozomi didn't quite catch. Not that it mattered much since Nico repeated the same comment soon after. Nozomi assumed.

"Doesn't it tire you?"

"Huh?"

"To… put up an act. Isn't it tiring to always pretend nothing bothers you?"

Nozomi was speechless. Only two people in the world asked her such forward questions. Both were in the room.

"Let's be honest. Out of all of us, Eri affects you the most… doesn't she?"

Nozomi didn't answer, but the avoided glance was all Nico needed as a confirmation.

"Maybe if you acted more honest about it, she'd wake up."

Still receiving silence as an answer, Nico let out a huff and gathered her things to leave the room. The room felt stuffy, Nozomi thought. She felt like she was suffocating. She felt as if something icky was clogging her throat. Like a hairball. She was this cat with a really big hairball in her throat. A hairball she always swallowed back. But it was too unbearable. The hairball was too big and the room was too stuffy.

"It's scary, you know…"

The hairball started to drip out.

"To admit that I'm alone again. That it's my fault this happened."

More clunks.

"That I'm useless to the people I want to mean something the most."

The biggest chunk.

"How do you expect me to be honest about all of that?"

And when a teary-eyed Nozomi looked at Nico, the ex-club president was a loss for words. The only thing she was sure to do was to console her friend. So she walked back towards the bed to let Nozomi cry in her embrace.

While Nozomi's breath hitched by every tear, the machines plugged to Eri remained constant.

* * *

A week. Seven days. Nozomi's biggest wish as of now was Eri waking up before graduation. But time was slowly running out. She felt more desperate than ever. Granted, she was happy that Eri's state was getting better gradually; Eri no longer needed a machine to help her breathe. Her eyes grew misty at the memory of the first few days she'd been in this room. She clenched her eyes shut, willing the memory away. She shook her head as if that would help. She let out a sigh as she opened her eyes to look over her friend.

Nozomi wondered. They didn't live in a fairytale world, but Nozomi wished silently as she leaned toward Eri. Maybe, just maybe. Her lips were now an inch away from Eri's. She wanted a miracle. Maybe this could be hers. Theirs.

But at the last moment, she opted for a kiss on the forehead instead. She was ready for miracle, but she couldn't bear another disappointment. Even though Eri probably couldn't hear her, Nozomi leaned back in her seat as quietly as possible.

"I'll save that for later."

She whispered. After a moment of thought, Nozomi decided to sing today instead. She usually read a book or told Eri her daily episodes, but… singing felt right for today. She started to quietly sing the first verse of "Oh, Love&Peace."

That was the miracle Nozomi needed.


End file.
